Knowing I was “made for more,” as God had told me, was exhilarating. I felt powerful, excited to make changes in life, and able to be who God made me to be.
I was going to have a fantastic lifestyle change, effective immediately. I was going to clean up the apartment, do the dishes, wash my car, put my clothes away, buy healthy food including fish and vegetables, and start an exercise regimen that alternated day by day. And while I made these changes, I was going to cut out bad influence friends, start going to at least 3 bible studies that would help me fight my most tempting sins, and read my bible every morning (preferably at 5 am with some nice worship music in the background and probably somewhere I could watch the sunrise. Naturally.)
But then I came home.
Back to Lynchburg life. School. 65 hour work weeks. An apartment that doesn’t clean itself, dishes that won’t do themselves, and laundry that won’t wash itself. A flesh that fights with itself and a mind that wars within.
Made for more?
I came home with the intention to do well. I was on a four day happy streak! I was healthy! God loved me, and I felt good!
I’ve been home for over a week, and so far I’ve done dishes (once) and bought apples. I also bought a box of cookies and cookie dough too, so.
This past week of Lynchburg life, I’ve been juggling school, work, life, and hurt. Finding out bad news and being hurt deeply by someone I love threw me for a loop.
None of the changes I expected to happen right away happened. In some ways, life got worse. And in my pain, I went to food to help. I went to broken and unhealthy relationships to cope. I picked up extra shifts to work extra hours I didn’t need or want, just to fill my already too busy schedule so that I wouldn’t be able to think.
Made for more?
We were made for more, but we don’t always act like it.
I’m learning more and more that I cannot instantly get the life I want. My generation has taught me that instant gratification is crucial in living a happy, content life. High speed internet. WiFi. OnDemand. Text messaging. Casual sex. Fast food. All of this feeds into the lie that we are entitled to gratification, INSTANTLY.
And though God made us for more, we get stuck in these habits, living like we were made for less.
Having a content, God-changed life is most likely not going to come instantly. It is going to take time. Making the choice to turn from sin is not a one-time choice. It’s daily. Hourly even.
I thought knowing I was made for more would instantly change everything. While it should, the reality is it is a process.
“But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
We are being transformed with ever increasing glory. Some translations say from glory to glory. The mature, godly woman I see myself as in my mind is a future Jessica. One who has been transformed daily, thousands of glories away from where I am now.
That’s okay. The process is okay. I’m still going one step at a time. I’ve already been transformed many, many glories from when I started. Just because I don’t instantly have the perfect life with the perfect choices and the perfect clean apartment does not mean God isn’t working. My relationship with God is not cookie cutter perfect and doesn’t look exactly like everyone else’s.
For those who can relate to being made for more but not always acting like it.. God has still made us for more, and it’s up to us to make choices that agree with that. But it’s okay if it’s a process. It’s okay if the perfect results don’t come instantly. One step at a time. In the midst of our culture when instant gratification is key, we need to learn to enjoy the process. Because truly, we have been made for more.
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. ” Philippians 2:12-13