free indeed… May 27, 2010

Sometimes the rhythm of my ‘old life’ beats in my head, like a song that won’t leave. But I’m singing a new song today, and will continue the transformation for all the rest of my days. It’s not easy. So often I forget this is a journey. I just want to fast forward the bad parts and live in the good. But no one said the journey would be easy. Jesus actually said it would be hard.
Sometimes I question my freedom – have I REALLY been freed from all the bondage I was in? I don’t feel like it all the time. Temptations are still here calling my name in loud frequencies. But I’ve forgotton..
In thinking about my freedom I remembered the slaves from the civil war times. When Abe Lincoln signed the emancipation proclamation, I bet some of the slave owners didn’t tell their slaves. Why would they want their servants to be free? The slaves couldn’t read, so how would they ever know they were free? I’m thinking a lot of those slaves were still working even when they had attained freedom. I wonder if when they found out, they didn’t believe the truth, that they were set free. They probably didn’t know what to believe, because their ‘masters’ never told them they could go! Maybe fear kept them in slavery, not willing to face the truth because they were scared. What would happen as a free person? When you live in slavery so long, it’s hard to be free. It’s hard to know how to act, what to do, who to hang out with – it’s a whole new concept and it’s a journey finding out.
I have been freed. Sometimes I don’t feel free. But freedom doesn’t mean I’ll never be tempted again. Freedom is what I choose to do in the temptation. I choose to live in freedom. Not half in and half out, not in ‘recovery.’ I’m sure of what I want and it’s Jesus. Freedom.
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