an old note on love April 15, 2010

Love is a powerful thing. love is Jesus.

I used to think I knew what
love was ….But the more I tried to fill myself with it, the emptier I became.
When I came face to face with Jesus, I almost missed it. Because His love is so
unlike anything I’ve ever known. It’s uncomprehendable I think… it’s so
astounding and powerful and comforting all at once.. it’s like there really
isn’t a word for it. It’s not love, it’s something deeper, more intimate,
something MORE. Maybe the closest word we have for it is love, but it’s
definately more than the love we know. whatever it is, it’s something REAL…

…I heard this song that says actually exactly what God showed me. It’s a
Sidewalk Prophet’s song called HE LOVES ME ANYWAY but at one part it says ‘i am
the nails in your wrists.. but you love me anyway, i am JUDAS”S KISS, but YOU
LOVE ME ANYWAY..’ in everything, Jesus LOVES me. This isn’t the kind of love I
can take lightly… it’s not something i can get used to and be able to throw
around the phrase ‘Jesus Loves us all!’ cuz its so deep, like so much more than
just that!! I can’t even describe in words the feelings and just the TRUTH of
the statement.. so powerful, so glorious, so perfect.

At first I felt
comforted, safe, and accepted in the loving arms of Jesus. I felt forgiven and
like everything was good, i finally GOT it and me and Jesus were THERE. and then
i messed up. After i had finally felt and understood this great and mighty love,
i went and messed up? how does that happen?? I thought it was all over, that I
couldnt get back what I had. But Jesus was STILL attending my EVERY need, STILL
telling me He loved me anyways, STILL lavishing me with His attention (big
thing!) and love. And thats when i felt something different. Thats when the
unworthiness set in. And His grace. It’s so cool how they work together. This
whole Jesus thing is amazing actually. like i really can’t describe it, it’s
just so so awesome.

But I realized I will never be THERE in my
relationship with the one true love, but i’ll continue walking daily a journey.
I’ll never be perfect, nor do i try. But i’ll always find myself back in His
arms. I don’t have it all together yet, I’m not even close. I don’t shine Jesus
the way I need to, I’m no ‘superchristian’ and I don’t want to be. But I take it
day by day, living in the Love that Jesus is to me, falling at His feet in my
unworthiness, and being continually picked back up and wrapped in the loving
arms of Jesus. and THATS exactly where I belong.

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